This is amazing how you contextualize more than framework.

Consent is an animal reaction and a rational reaction, and wow, the "politeness hat" spot on. Many of us who are damaged don't trust our animal reactions--or we've been trained not to. That's what causes many problems.

The "don't judge a book by its cover" bullshit I grew up with led me to rationalize and "polite" my way into situaitons that made me feel icky. You absolutely can judge a book by its cover, if by judge you mean using emotional intelligence.