As I was reading your story, I completely connected on the abhorrence of being spanked by a man. Not so abhorrent is being spanked by a woman. On the other hand, I’m ok spanking men for their pleasure not mine, but really love spanking women. My raging feminism comes out in many ways but oddly doesn’t seem to be a thing here. You’ve connected your dots in a way that makes me want to connect my dots. When I was new to kink, men and women always tried to make me a bottom. Because I’m small maybe? Even before kink, I was “cute.” I hate that, but I know women who love it. So I’m thinking it’s a kind of napoleon complex lol. But I haven’t identified formative moments like you have.